STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It's never too late to be topless.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
