hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize