Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I could make wine with my vomit
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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