I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
