getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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