ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize