Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
