this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
