She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
