woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
