I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
