Say something about gay babies.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Boobs speak an international language.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
