U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
