Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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