i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
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