On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
