EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize