went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
