apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
