Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
