If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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