Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I looked at my own cervix.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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