I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize