you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
