Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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