her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
