I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
