Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize