chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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