god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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