Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize