Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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