So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wish you could order shots online.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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