You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
