i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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