Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
