So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
