Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize