I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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