I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize