I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
is wine microwaveable?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
