Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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