I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
