So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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