maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
