I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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