and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
