she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
