i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Idk if I want to put a bra on
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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