I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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