Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm getting married
To pizza
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize