just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
