Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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