i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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