hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
