I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
