rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
