I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Will exercising make me less horny?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
