I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
