I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
