Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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