We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
