The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
