6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
