why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
