In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
