Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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