Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Panties = found
Randomize
