how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
where am i from again
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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