What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
