She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
