I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I deserve to be covered in dicks
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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