I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
