Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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