connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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