Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
