My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
and she was petting her beer can
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
His hands were made for my vagina.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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