Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
