it's too hot outside to masturbate.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
