Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
