Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize
