if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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