he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
