we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
