I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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