I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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