My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
