Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
