I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
