Me too!
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
