Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
