Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
