If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My balls are so social today.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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