One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
