Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
