She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
