She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
