you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
