Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
