I want to have your abortion
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
