I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
